The Legend of the Naked Ninja
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: Gain the power of the zodiac...losing his dignity seems like a small price to pay...until Naruto learns that the curse last FOREVER! ...Nor will he be the only victum... How will the world deal with a NAKED Hokage? NarutoxHarem
1. Chapter 1

**The Legend of the Naked Ninja**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you!**

...

It was a typical day at the Shinobi Academy, girls gossiped, kids learned to kill and Iruka-sensei was yelling at Naruto for his latest 'prank'.

"NARUTO! GET OUT OF THAT NOW!" Screams Iruka using his infamous 'Demon-head jutsu'. Naruto in question was currently where his desk would go...if he wasn't currently in a giant box with eye-holes.

Little did Iruka know...this was no prank. Naruto was starting to panic! "Uh...Iruka-sensei...this is no prank! I'll be good! I'll listen, I won't make a fuss...just PLEASE don't make me get out of here!" He implored.

"NARUTO, QUIT FOOLING AROUND YOU BAKA! SOME OF US CAME TO LEARN!" Shouted Sakura...right before she went back to ignoring her homework to once more fawn over Sasuke...

Iruka had enough, he grabbed the box. "Naruto, I'm not going to ask you again- "NO! PLEASE DON'T!" Pleaded Naruto...but it was too late...the box was gone...

Sakura's eye's went wide, "OH."

Hinata was feeling faint, "My."

Ino started to feel giddy, "BLOOD!"

Naruto...was NAKED! And a stud! The entire girl population immediately got nosebleeds! Iruka didn't even bother to maintain order! He just grabbed Naruto by the ear and dragged him to get paddled!

Naruto whimpered, _"Why me?!"_ He groaned.

...

The third Hokage Hiruzen Sarutobi had lived a long time, seen many crazy things in his long life...but this? This was the most insane thing he'd ever seen! And not just because his surrogate Grandson was in his office naked!

"Let me see if I got this straight Naruto...last night...you were approached by a strange merchant-

A flustered Naruto nodded, so Hiruzen continued.

-Who showed you these strange talismans inscribed with zodiac symbols...that had even stranger powers-

Naruto again nodded, once more demonstrating the power of the rooster (i.e. Telepathy) with one of his fingers. Hiruzen once more took this in baffled, but still continued.

-the merchant offered to turn them into bloodlines and graft them into your body-

Naruto once more nodded. And once more Hiruzen continued.

-And in exchange the merchant gave you the choice of either a million Yen or entertainment?" He finished.

Naruto groaned, "I thought I'd just have to pull a dozen pranks on people he hated- or at LEAST do some stupid, silly, degrading tricks that would make him laugh...HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HE'D CURSE ME TO BE NAKED FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!?" Naruto slammed his head on the desk in defeat.

Hiruzen just pinched his nose and groaned...this was going to be a doozy. According to Naruto he'd figured out that 10 of his 12 new powers were now connected to his ten fingers...he had everything except heat beam and Combustion apparently.

Still...perhaps this wasn't so bad...

"Naruto, the medics have given you a clean bill of health...so apparently this 'gift' was genuine. I'm not...thrilled on how this came about...but for better or for worse I guess we have to deal with it now- but look on the bright side...the chances of you becoming a great ninja have increased!"

Naruto eye's widened in amazement. "Really!?" Then he flustered, "But...I'm naked."

Hiruzen nodded, "True...and that WILL be an obstacle, since no clothes or covering will stay on you...not just for social reasons but practicality in combat. BUT, their are techniques to overcome them...IF your willing to learn them.

Naruto nodded, "Dattebayo! You know I do! ...but what do i do in the meantime?"

Hiruzen sighed, "I'm afraid you'll just have to live with it. The 'hiding in a box' thing although might be a loophole, is simply impractical to do in your everyday life."

Naruto groaned...but nodded. Then the door broke down, "Grandpa! Today I defeat you!" Shouted a little boy who ran in...and tripped on his scarf...

 _"Oh, boy...not this again."_ Groaned the hokage. "YOU! YOU TRIPPED ME!" Shouts the boy at Naruto accusingly. "You tripped over your dang scarf, idiot!" Shouted Naruto as he stuck his tongue out-

 **BOOM!**

Which then shoot a ball of fire that sent the little kid flying across Konoha screaming.

"HONORABLE GRANDSON!" Screamed a man who'd just entered the room. Naruto sweat-dropped. "Heh, heh...at least i know how to activate another one of my powers...right Grandpa?" He asks sheepishly.

Hiruzen just put his head in his hands...and resolved to empty his Sake vault...

...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

**The Legend of the Naked Ninja**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon and BarnesandNoble.**

 **...**

After extensive testing, it was shown several things:

The shapeshifting power could only turn Naruto into animals- no humans -also he could only turn into animals he'd actually SEEN, no picture will do. Also, although shape-shifting requires no chakra unlike shape-changing jutsu...it's considered impractical for infiltration. As although turning into small animals, enemy pets, etc. Would fool civilians but it would seem that shapshifting lets out a large energy out-put that can be sensed by trained ninja...genin and chunin would have a hard time sensing it...but ranks above them? It got more likely.

The heat beam eyes, Levitation and combustion- although don't require chakra, using them required PHYSICAL energy. The more Naruto used, the more exhausted his body felt...on the plus side, it basically was the equivalent of a LARGE workout so Naruto was guaranteed to get in better shape quicker then most. And the better his shape...the longer he could use them.

Also, the immortality and healing talismans actually DID require chakra, they would greatly increase his survivability in combat when activated...but eventually he'd run out of chakra.

The tiger talisman...seemed useless at first save for almost letting lose an evil Naruto on the world...but turns out it allows complete balance between chakra and physical energies- something most ninja spend all their lives training to achieve -plus, it also seemed to help him use multiple talisman powers at once.

Invisibility worked...unless seen by a doijutsu, other then that, completely undetectable.

Super strength and super speed also require chakra to keep working.

Iruka looked over the report with a sigh as he wondered not only how he'd restructure the school curriculum to help Naruto train his skills -while naked no less -but how he was going to explain this to the rest of the class...

...

"Troublesome", said Shikimaru to himself as Iruka-sensei explained Naruto's 'situation'...and braced himself for the ensuing fallout.

"WE CAN'T HAVE NARUTO NAKED, IT'S INAPPROPRIATE!" Screamed Sakura.

"SHUT UP FOREHEAD!" Snapped Ino much to everyone's surprise. "This is an order from the Hokage, himself! Unless you want to be accused of insubordination there's nothing you can do about it!" She pointed out.

Although suspecting that Ino's intervention was based on far less 'noble' motives...Iruka still thanked her for setting everyone straight regardless...

Hinata, meanwhile was trying very hard not to faint...

...

Naruto was very flustered, he'd manged to avoid anyone seeing him coming to school...but now...there's was no way around it...he'd have to run into the classroom naked...with everyone watching.

He tried to cover his privates with his textbooks...but even then...he was still very much exposed.

Iuka sighed as he put his head out into the hallway, "Naruto...you have to come in, might as well just get it over with. The Hokage is right...You made your choice...and this is the consequence...this is your new reality, your new life...if you can't get used to it...you might as well quite being a ninja..."

Naruto growled, "That's not happening! DATTEBAYO!" Iruka can't help but smile at his students determination...but then groans as Naruto- with as much dignity as he can muster -runs into the room quickly to his seat.

A wide-range of catcalls and wolf-whistles, make Naruto's face all the more redder.

Iruka tried to regain order, "Okay! Okay! Naruto is naked! You've all had a laugh! All of you calm down...and get Hinata to the nurse!" He barked.

Naruto just shook his head as he sat down at his desk, _"This is going to be a long da-_

And then he felt it...someone had just grabbed his testicles under the cover of his desk where no one could see, A flustered Naruto is about to yelp out in alarm-

"Yell or do anything to draw attention to this, and I'll crack your nuts. Got it?" Whispered a smirking Ino as she leaned closer to him in the desk beside his.

Naruto groaned...but nodded...and was forced to allow Ino to ...'sample' his 'goods'...all day long...

...

Sasuke was irritated! Iruka had had Naruto demonstrate his powers to the class...which just infuriated Sasuke, "Unbelievable! I work my butt off all these years to gain the strength I need to KILL that monster! And then...some random merchant just hands over the power I need to do so to the DOBE of all people!? How is that fair?! Forget fair, how dose that even make sense?!"

"Hey Sasuke-kun! Would you like to go out for lunch?!" Shouts Sakura as she jumps in front of him. Now ordinarily Sasuke would just rebuke her with a simple 'NO' and leave. But today he was pretty ticked-

"OUT OF THE WAY! CAN'T YOU GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD THAT YOUR USELESS TO ME!?" He snaps as he pushes her aside. A heartbroken Sakura watches him leave devastated...

"Unrequited love...it's a kick to the nads ain't it?" Sakura turned around...and gazed at a strange merchant in the shadows! "Hello, my dear...have I got a deal for you!"

...later...

Sasuke was about to call it day and head inside- "Uh...Sasuke-Kun?" Said a now VERY familiar voice. Sasuke turns around to let Sakura have it...and is stunned!

Sakura...was NAKED! Sasuke felt a small nosebleed com along...true, Sakura was flat as a board...but she was still cute! Sasuke was speechless!

Sakura blushed as she covered herself, "I-I can explain! I-I made a deal! The same merchant who gave naruto his powers...He said if I gave up clothes forever and took a tsundere tablet...He would give me the power to help you fight the one you hate and other's like him! Your greatest hearts desire! SEE!? I'm useful to you now!"

Sasuke couldn't believe what he was hearing! On the one hand...once more someone else got an upgrade- An upgrade he needed more! On the other...

He sighed, "Fine. Show it to me. If it's as good as you say...I'll go on a date with you." He consented in resignation.

Sakura squealed in delight, true it was humiliating and her idol Tusundare will never be able to come near her(she assumes that was what he meant...after all, what else could an 'Anti-Tsundere' table mean?). But it was worth it to be with Sasuke-kun.

"Right, so he said to simply focus on an image of your brother in my head and I would have the power to assume his from, skills and weapons! As well as others with similar danger levels! Thus making me the perfect sparing partner!" She explained.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, and through gritted teeth described his brother to her so she could focus.

...and there he was...Itatchi. 'He' uncharacteristically grinned at him, "What do you think Sasuke-kun? Did I nail it or what?"

Sasuke was no longer listening...he was running forward, blade in hand and screaming like a maniac!

"I'LL KILL YOU!" He screamed, Sakura screamed as well. Fearing for her life and panic overriding all other thoughts she instinctively dug into Itatchi's memories and-

Amaterasu!

...

The hunter-nin had no idea what to make of it when they turned up hours later to find a sobbing naked girl crouched in a troubled fetal position...nearby to the burnt out remains of one Sasuke Uchida...

...

 _"This is such a mess."_ Thinks the hokage to himself as he consoled the crying Sakura, it turned out the merchant had meant what he said about 'helping sasuke to fight', LITERALLY. Whenever Sakura transformed into one of her S-rank forms- plural, since after showing her all the pictures they had of the known members of Akatsuki now allowed her to become them as well -it seemed to put an impulsion on people to immediately attack her! Thankfully, it only worked on the weak willed...still...it was bothersome... **  
**

Also, although, she could access their skills and weapons...she still lacked the training and experience to use them properly, plus the transformation only lasted an hour, after which she'd have to wait 2 hours before she could do it again.

His experts hypothesized that overtime, this power would potentially branch out/mutate to give Sakura herself new abilities...but they had no idea of their nature and when.

He had no idea what her taking an 'anti-tsundere tablet' meant...but he doubted it would be for anything good!

It's with a heavy heart that the Hokage is forced to explain, "Sakura...it's obvious you only became a ninja to impress Sasuke...but I'm afraid I must ask you to stay on...dangerous men might learn of your abilities and wish to ensnare you for their own purposes...and frankly, now that you are forced to walk around naked- She flustered over this reminder -for the rest of your life, you'll need training to handle that as well...you understand?"

The Hokage inwardly sighed in relief when Sakura agreed, he was glad she accepted...he REALLY didn't want to tell that she'd have been forced to remain on and have her skills become an asset for the village or be threatened with execution... He'd tried to defend her before the council, but the fury felt for the death of the last Uchida was too great! This was literally the best he could do for her! Thankfully, he was at least able to convince them to cover up Sakura's part in Sasuke's death. The poor girl would have enough to deal with without a whole town braying for her blood!...

...

"Sheesh! What is going on lately? Is EVERYONE gonna go naked?" Asked Kiba in disbelief. Shino just shrugged, he had no answer either. Kiba shrugged, "Ah well, at least it's a girl this time. That'll be fun to see."

Sakura stood outside the classroom and groaned, she'd tried EVERYTHING to cover herself up- but the curse wouldn't allow it -worse, she'd lost her textbooks during the whole...'incident' and now she didn't even have that bit of modesty!

Her parents were flipping out over this...and she couldn't blame them! Bad enough she was naked...but now her shortcomings were on full display for all to see...her flat chest...her scrawny rear...her tiny womanhood...EVERYTHING!

Sakura started to cry...Why was she even here? Without Sasuke...

Suddenly Sakura saw some textbooks handed to her, "Here...you need these more then I do..." Said a flustered Naruto.

Sakura smiled as she took them, "Thank you Naruto, I- And then she saw his 'reaction' to her nudity. Naruto blushed at the sight of his 'full mast'..and became very terrified of what was to happen next.

Sakura cracked her knuckles furiously, "Naruto..."

"Wait! Sakura! I can Explai-

"BAKA!" She throws down her fist in a punch guaranteed to snap Naruto's manhood in half like a twig-

 **ZAP!**

 **GAH!**

Screamed Sakura as she was suddenly hit with loads of electricity, Her scream was so great that the whole classroom came out just in time to see a naked Sakura spasming on the floor in agony and evacuating her bowels...naturally, laughter ensues...

While a completely unscathed Naruto just looked on confused...

...Meanwhile...

"HURRY! HURRY! STEP RIGHT UP! TIRED OF THE 'UNFAIR' SEX DRAGGING YOU DOWN!? GET YOUR FREE ANTI-TUSUNDERE TABLETS HERE!" Shouted the merchant as he sold hundreds...

Needless to say...the sexual/gender-power dynamics of this anime world was about to experience a massive shift...

 **...**

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	3. Chapter 3

**The Legend of the Naked Ninja**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...

It had been several days since Sakura's deal...in that time she'd found herself shocked whenever she tried to attack Naruto unprovoked...eventually, she just had to stop...which was fine, with her hair-trigger temper now in check...Naruto was pretty good company to have around...

The world around them was changing too, thanks to anti-tsundere pills coming into circulation...girls were suddenly no longer on the top of the world...and guys now had less to fear of being beaten up for every little thing...

Naturally...this was a huge paradigm shift in their society... But Sakura didn't care about that right now...

What she cared about was the proximity of Naruto's nudity to hers...of the constant teasing, picture and wolf calls...and Naruto's 'reaction' to her current state...

Sakura sighed, _"Forever Naked and unattractive...Naruto being here helps...still, I feel like the unluckiest person alive..."_

 _..._

Sakura had no idea how wrong she was...their were hundreds of people more unlucky then her...why their was a candidate for said position right in her village!...

...

Hinata Hyuga sobbed, once more her father made her fight her little sister, once more Hinata let her win, once more her father berated her and called her a disgrace, once more her cousin Neji mocked her, once more-

 **"Okay, okay! We get it! Generic 'Hinata's life sucks' fannon scenario, like we haven't heard it all before! Let's get to the bloody point already!"**

Hinata's eyes went wide as the unknown voice filled her ears, she turned around to see a stranger in her room.

The stranger smirked as he 'cleared' his throat, "My dear...pretty thing like you... so glum...such a shame...perhaps I can help?"

Hinata looked at the stranger with mixed feelings, "You...your the merchant that give Naruto-kun and Sakura their powers...and curse." She blushed with that last bit.

The merchant smirked, "Clever girl...indeed, I am he- pauses to lift off his hat and bow respectively -and I'd like to make you a similar offer."

Hinata went bright red and covered herself, "I...but then I'd be..."

"Naked? Yes. But hear me out! I like you Hinata, so I'll sweeten the pot. In exchange for that one minor 'inconvenience'. Not only will I give you power that an S-rank ninja could only DREAM of but I'll also make all your troubles with your family disappear! The branch family 'curse seals will all be gone for one thing! What do you say?"

Hinata frowned, "Um...it's really tempting...but it seems too good to be true, besides as a child I do not have the maturity, intellect, experience or business savvy to make such a legal agreement properly. ESPECIALLY without being in the presence of an adult I trust AND know. Furthermore...I mean no offense, but your past actions...leave me concerned of how trustworthy you truly are, especially you breaking into my house and making said deal while I'm alone and emotionally vulnerable. Also-

"If you agree now I'll throw in a free kiss from Naruto."

"Deal." Said Hinata with a nosebleed.

The merchant smirked, "We have a deal!" He shouts as he whips out 10 oni masks and merges 8 of them with Hinata's flesh, leaving behind tattoos as her clothes melt into oblivion...

While she covers herself mortified...the merchant dashes off with the last two masks...his deal not yet complete...

...

Hiashi grumbled as he fought with the bane of all leaders...paperwork...

 **clunk.**

The Hyuuga leader looked at the strange object that landed on his desk, it appeared to be a trophy depicting a grown man savagely beating his daughter to death with a belt and the words 'world's worse dad', underneath.

Hyuuga looked at this baffled before looking around for it's source, "What on earth is-

"Peek-a-boo! I have a gift for you!" Shouted the merchant as he slaps the mask onto Hiashi's face...

...

Neji grunted with effort as he smashed another test dummy, he wipes off the sweat from his brow. "I grow stronger...fate is truly on my-

"Yes, yes, your a victim, fate is your tormentor! It's all so horrible! Boo-hoo! Shut up and put on the mask already!" Shouts the unsympathetic merchant as he slaps the mask on the surprised Ninja's face...

The two Oni generals bowed before the merchant. The merchant nodded, "You have your orders, I'll remove your restrictions for just the night to give you the army you need to...'protect' your new 'mistress'."

Suddenly a swarm of Ninja shadow-Khan and Razor shadow-Khan rise from the ground...and with their brave leaders leading them...they do their work...and in the morning all of Hinata's problems with her family...would 'disappear'.

...

The hokage shook his head in disbelief, The whole main branch of the Hyugga family(minus Hinata, Hanabi, and to a lesser extent Hiashi)...dead...all dead...which- as horrible as it sounds -wasn't that big of a loss. They'd all been old, cantankerous, miserable jerks anyway.

...on the plus, side, the branch family was all safe and sound...and FREE. That blasted slave mark on their necks had been lifted.

The two ...'Oni Generals' had been interrogated, apparently the masks and the minds of the Oni that once inhabited them had permanently merged with the minds of the two Hyuuga. They were NOT the men they once were...but neither were they Oni...they were something NEW.

They had no idea who the merchant was...they remembered their former lives both as Hyuuga and as Oni general...but nothing else.

They also knew of their powers...

They had all their ninja skills, but now it was augmented with super oni strength and shadow travel...they were- however -also violently allergic to onions now.

And the summoning of their respective Shadow-khan had been a one time thing, from this point on they'd only be able to summon a couple shadow-khan from their respective tribe...at least until Hinata gained more power. The stronger she got, the larger number of shadow-khan she or they could summon.

Also...although, Hinata could -unlike the generals -summon Khan of ALL tribes, she could only summon Khan from tribes who'd been 'unlocked' by the 'awakening' of generals.

Currently, she could only summon ninja-khan and razor-khan. She'd be able to summon more if she were to give a mask to someone(the masks were apparently permanently merged with her flesh and bonded to her), although unlike the first two. She would only be able to do it if they gave their CONSENT -which was fine with Hinata...who was still horrified by last night's events...

The Hokage had also forbidden her from attempting to awake more generals...at least until they figured out this merchant's 'game'...and how to sort out the tangled mess that was now 'Hyuuga incident'.

Based on the laws of the village, no one could be in charge of an important function as long as they were 'possibly' under the influence of an unknown demonic force that couldn't be controlled(this didn't include Naruto since the Kyubbi wasn't unknown and could/would be controlled). So Hinata and Hiashi couldn't be allowed to run the clan...but where did that leave them?

Hanabi was far too young and the rest of the main branch leadership was dead!

Not to mention the powder keg that the secondary branch had become, with the yoke gone from their neck and their cruel masters dead...they were starting to fracture.

1/3rd of them had formed the 'traditionalist faction' that just wanted everything to go back the way it was(minus the slave seal).

But another 1/3rd had formed the 'Independence faction' who wanted to split from the clan and rebuild a new one from scratch.

The last 1/3rd- the crudely named, 'Frak this were out of here' faction -just wanted to ditch the whole thing, dissolve the clan, give up on being ninja and leave the village forever.

All three sides were deadlocked, none of them had enough support or resources to do what they wanted on their own...and they were only getting madder and madder...he'd had to stop three riots already!

Hokage sighed, he'd deal with all that later...right now, he had a decree to make...one he honestly should've made sooner...

...

"So to recap...this 'merchant' is now a wanted fugitive and it is now considered illegal to make any deals with him!" Said Iruka firmly as he read out the Hokage's decree.

 _"Dang, I was seriously considering going 'au natural' to get those sweet powers...and a place in Naruto's 'group'."_ Thinks Ino annoyed...she hadn't been able to have any 'fun' with Naruto for awhile...Sakura had made sure of that.

She put those thoughts away as all eyes were now on the door...waiting for the town's newest 'nudist'.

A blushing and mortified Hinata...took a deep breath as she tried to open the door...

 **BAM!**

Only for some strange magic to suddenly pick her up and throw her through the air!

 **SLAM!**

The class watched stunned...you never knew what to say when the resident shy girl suddenly jumps naked onto the equally naked class clown and slams her lips to his...leaving her on top straddling him...

Sakura naturally plans to beat up Naruto for this 'perversion'...only to get shocked and fall over once more...

This broke the spell-

GET A ROOM YOU TWO!

Nartuo was more concerned waking up a now fainted Hinata..and keeping everyone from seeing his boner...

Iruka just groans... _"Creator...kill me now."_

...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	4. Chapter 4

**The Legend of the Naked Ninja 4**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...

Gai-Sensei looked at his student Neji's 'change'- His 'mistress' had allowed him to keep practicing with his team -and wondered how to deal with it... Lee looked up to his role model, "Uh...Sensei? Is this...youthful...or not?" He asked confused.

Said 'student' was currently making out with TenTen, "I'm okay with this." She said during the breath periods she came up for air and caressing Oni-Neji's naked (all people around his age will apparently share Hinata's curse, which- much to everyone's relief - thankfully doesn't count Hiashi) form

Gai just shakes his head and sighs, "I don't know Lee...I really, truly just don't know..."

...

Naruto reflected on how weird his life had become...it was difficult enough to adjust to being naked- made things more awkward at Ramen Ichiraku for one thing...had Ayame always been so flirty? -and then Sakura got naked! Naruto had mixed feelings on that...on the one hand: His crush was naked FOREVER! On the other...Sakura was kinda miserable. He'd been doing what he could to help her get out of her slump...it was SORTA helping her...she smiled every so often nowadays...that was progress...right?

And if things hadn't been complicated enough...Hinata got naked! And she was HOT! Never in a billion years did anyone think that the local 'shy girl' was hiding a dynamite body underneath all that baggy clothes!

Of course, this was happening in addition to all the drama happening with her family...

And it didn't exactly help that during all the commotion caused by their 'kiss' that Naruto heard several people reveal that Hinata had a crush on him...

...he honestly didn't know how to react to that...so for the moment he was just trying to be a good friend to both girls and help them through this awkward time...

One such activity was ninja training!

Together they experimented on their new talents and skills...

Sakura was currently experimenting with Deidra and Hanzo(it seems her power extended to any S-rank criminal ninja)...but not itatchi- too many bad memories -Kisami, Hidan, Kakuzu, Orochimaru and Sasori creeped her out too much to use.

The hokage had forbidden her from 'acquiring' any new forms until they figured all this out...in the meantime-

 **BOOM!**

Naruto and Hinata hastily put out the fires engulfing a screaming Sakura...

Sakura- as you can see - was learning the hard way that knowing a persons skills and having the experience and training to use them properly without blowing or burning yourself up...are two different things entirely...on the plus side; her stamina, endurance, pain threshold, and strenght(she's been buried alive in debrie a LOT at this point and needed to lift herself out) were skyrocketing!

As Hinata healed Sakura(again), both she and naruto were happy that whatever the merchant had done to them had also made them immune to the 'rage' effect that Sakura's transformation's had on people.

Things were looking up for Naruto as well, thanks to Sakura and Hinata he was able to learn that the reason he was doing poorly with the clone technique was because of his high chakra level. So they asked the hokage for permission to get a more 'compatible' technique...this lead to him learning the shadow clone jutsu.

Naruto had simply wanted to use the technique to mass charge everything... But Sakura(after getting shocked for trying to hit him in irritation) and hinata had made the suggestion of doing a bunch practice drills between Naruto's clone army and Hinata's shadow-khan...which had now grown to 10(5 ninja, 5 razor). To help Naruto's coordination and tactics(this was helped by the discovery that clones send Naruto their memories when destroyed and that hinata- to a certain extent -can see and hear what her Khan can.

Hinata had also learned that she could now (somewhat) gain access to Oni shadow travel and super strength, she could only use them in small amounts...but she was getting better.

All in all...despite what had happened recently...they were actually happy together...and had their fingers crossed that their friendship would remain as teammates...

...

Kakashi sighed, "I'm sorry Hokage-Sama, I know it's not fair to hold this over Sakura or be mad at her...but accidental or not...she killed the last of Obito's legacy...I just...I just don't trust myself to not be professional toward her if I were to have authority over her...especially during a life-or-death situation." He admitted with reluctant honesty.

The Hokage groaned...but nodded, "I'm disappointed...but I appreciate your honesty in such a sensitiveness subject. Thank you for bringing this to my attention, you may go now."

Kakashi bows and leaves the room. The hokage sighs he busies himself looking at the latest report...apparently Mizuki had been beaten up and exposed as a spy by the merchant...he left nothing behind save for a message; Won't need him anymore, the fox will reveal itself soon, might as well move the plot forward.'

...The hokage had no idea what it meant...this whole thing made no sense! He tried to figure out this 'merchants' end game...but he couldn't make hide nor hair of it! It was all so random!

The Hokage shook his head of such thoughts as he turned to the thing he'd been avoiding...the team placements...obviously, Sasuke's death had put the kibosh on his 'sannin renewal' plan. Add in the current predicament of the Naruto, Sakura and Hinata's 'curse'...obviously he'd need to put the three of them on the same team, not only was their teamwork good...but more importantly it would be less disruptive.

Putting aside the issue that it now made all the other teams unbalanced, Kakashi's refusal had opened a new concern...who would be the sensei? It couldn't just be anyone, he needed someone who was used to being around and handling strange, unexplained things, could handle absurdity, and was well learned in the lesser known 'nudity' techniques that once taught would allow Naruto's group to better handle their 'nudity' during both missions and ordinary life.

He thought long and hard about who matched all this criteria...and paled, "Kami...forgive me for what I'm about to do."

...

Anko looked at her leader in disbelief...she COULDN'T have heard that right. "You want ME to teach KIDS...who are NAKED?" She asked in skeptical disbelief.

The Hokage sighed deeply, "Yes." He admitted reluctantly.

Anko just stared at him uncomprehendingly. "Uh...with all due respect sir...what have you been smoking? And can I have a puff?"

The hokage rubbed his face groaning, already regretting this decision...

...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	5. Chapter 5

**The Legend of the Naked Ninja 5**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

 **RUN!**

Shouted the three naked teens as they ran through the forest of Death, an angry giant boar close behind...

 **OW!**

 **OW!**

 **OW!**

Cried out Naruto in pain as every thorn, sticker, and branch in the forest seemed determined to whack him in the wang...and it was still hurting from when his new crazy sensei jumped through the window naked, distracting him long enough for her snakes to bite him in the junk. EVERYTHING hurt below the waist now...

The girls weren't fairing much better, a bra-less Hinata was getting slapped in the face by her own breasts...and Sakura...Did not have the same problem as there was nothing on her chest capable of bouncing...but having spent less time exercising then the others she was still in dire straights from all the running...

...

But enough about that for the moment, let's look elsewhere...

...

...Deep in a dark, sinister Lab...

"Ku, Ku, Ku!" Cackled Orochimaru, when he'd heard of Sasuke's fate he'd been annoyed...and then he'd learned the REASON behind it...and he'd brightened up immediately.

"If I play my cards right come the next chunnin exam...forget about being the ultimate ninja, I'LL BECOME A GOD!" His laughter echos throughout the compound...

...?...

"-And that's the current situation as regarding the Kyubbi container." Sasori finished his report to the gathered Akatsuki members...many of which were staring incredulously...

"What the fuck!?" Shouted Hidan, "Fucking Oni, fucking shapshifting-Us, fucking naked palozza! Is your spies on fucking crack!?"

While the Akatsuki members argued and debated...Itachi remained quiet. Inside his soul was a hurricane of rage...his brother...his Sasuke...was dead. Technically at the hands of some random academy student, but clearly orchestrated by this 'Merchant.' But to what purpose? Well, it didn't really matter, his course was set. The merchant must die!

Pein called for calm, "Enough! This 'merchant' whoever he is has greatly complicated our plans, we must find him and figure out what his end game in all this is."

"No need boys, I'm right here!"

The whole room turned around in shock at the person they literally hadn't sensed until a second ago!

The merchant smirked, "Evening everyone! There's been concerns that I've made the heroes too OP." He pauses to lift up a tote bag and open it reveling a golden light ..."how would you like to balance the scales?..."

...

"Congratulations! You've survived week! You pass your Gennin exam test!" Shouted a naked Anko. The three Genin groaned. "as a reward, here you girls go." She tosses the two exhausted girls rings.

They put them on and fiddle with them-

 **GAH!**

Screamed Naruto as his genitals grew 30ft and fell on top of him, smothering him!

Anko broke down into hysterical laughter at the flustered girls staring at their friends 'situation'. "You girls enjoy yourself now!" Shouts Anko as she walks away from the training ground still laughing a mile a minute...

…III...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	6. Chapter 6

**Legend of the naked ninja**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

After much trial and error, it was learned that Hinata's ring made Naruto's genitals GROW...but Sakura's made them SHRINK.

Naruto sighed in relief as his groin went back down to it's regular size...and kept shrinking?!

Naruto gulped and blushed, "Uh...Sakura? Your overstepping-

Sakura giggled perversely, between her forced nudity and her sensei's sadism, many of her inhibitions had been cast away! "Ah...let's see how much 'shrinkage' you can handle Naru-kun!" She teased.

Much to his horror, Naruto suddenly find his dick the size of a sesame seed-

Hinata giggles as the sight of his emasculation as well- the last month had done well to bring her out of her shell -but she quickly uses her ring to put his junk back to normal, fun was fun but Naruto should be let be!

Sakura pouted at that but didn't push it...until they went their separate ways...

...5 minutes and a fake call of 'early black Friday' on main street...

Sakura laughs from the bushes as a mortified -and now basically dickless -Naruto streaked through the now crowded main street while dozens of girls laughed at him...

...

Konhomaru walked through the streets, for the last month or so he tried to find the guy who knocked him down...but he kept evading public area's which made it hard to locate him...

 _"Dang it, where is he? With help from a guy that tough I know I can finally beat grandpa! ...also, why was he naked? What's up with that?"_

He thinks to himself...just as he see's his future 'boss'...sneaking into the Hyugga compound naked?

 _"Man, I hope Hinata can fix this...we also need to set something up so Sakura can't just do this whenever she feels like it!"_ Thinks a flustered Naruto as he leaps the gate.

Konhomaru scratched his head confused...then came to the ultimate conclusion: "Of course! He's doing a hardcore training exercise! Breaking into the Hyuuga compound would be difficult enough but to do ti naked? He's so hardcore!

Kohnomaru's eye's fill with stars as he decides to emulate his new idol, he tears off his clothes, then excitedly hops the fence-

 **SQUICK!**

 **OWWIE!**

Or tries to before his balls get nicked by the barb wire...and he falls into a bramble bush...

Kohnomaru whimpers in pain, _"Maybe, this wasn't such a good idea..."_ He thinks to himself...just in time to see a hobo pick up his clothes and run with them before Kohnomaru can call it.

To his horror, the commotion he caused had attracted a guard, embarrassed Kohnomaru streaks away helplessly...

On the plus side, the commotion gives Naruto the opportunity he needs to go into Hinata's room undetected...amused, she restores his junk to normal...and offers for him to spend the night...

Sadly, a guard knocking on the door forces Naruto to flee, Hinata is so annoyed she shuts down all the guards chakra points...

...

Konhomaru panted a sigh of relief as he finally gave the guards the slip as he entered a random room and slammed the door behind him...

He turns around-

 **KA!**

A ticked off Hanabi quickly attacks the intruder in the nads with her gentle fist with so much force his balls erupt in flames, Kohomaru screams and runs into her, knocking both himself and her out the window-

 **RIP!**

Her nightgown gets snagged on the windowsill, stripping her naked, she grabs it as she falls and Kohomaru grabs her. "Let go you idiot! You'll kill me!" "I'll kill me too if I let go!" Snapped the flustered boy.

and so they were forced to comically dangle there, yelling and blaming each other until morning...where the entire village gathered to watch and laugh at the spectacle...

...

A naked Anko- pausing to send her snake to sneakily bit Naruto's groin once again -pulls out a blackboard and writes the following:

 **SEDUCTION 101:**

 **Translation: time for the birds and the bees! M-rated edition!**

Naruto- still recovering from the bite to his testicles - gulps as the two girls eye him hungrily...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


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